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Tuesday, 27 December 2011

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27 December 2011
Holiday ending in a week.
I've wasted 3 long weeks of my precious holiday doing nothing.
Yeap. Nothing at all.
Staying up late and waking up late. Everyday.
Facing real hard time.
I dunno what i want.
I feel emo every time i think about it although i tried my best not to.
Everything just seems....hard :(
I make myself busy everyday by downloading loads of phone apps & games to play.
I don't wanna think about it. Stop.
I...don't have the courage to even think about it.
Yes. I repeated this lifeless routine for the whole 3 weeks.
Hopeless right? I know :(
I've been admiring other people's life. Jealous about them.
Why does their lives seem so...perfect?
They don't seem to worry about their future like i do. Do they?
Their life seem smooth. So smooth. So perfect.
They are so firm. So determine in achieving their dreams
Everybody is enjoying their college life.
Bravely chasing for their dreams, and well-planned future.
But me? 
I'm so lost. So confused. :'( Helpless.
People study to achieve their dreams. Me?
I study just for the sake of study? To complete my course?
What the hell? So..................useless.
Does anyone in the world understands how i feel? Anyone at all?
:(
What makes me more worried is that mum retiring in 6 months time.
And that means...no more income after that. 
I'm really worried. Really really worried.
And i'm really angry with myself
why the hell am i still hesitating?? about my choice.

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