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Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Life After SPM, Fate VS Dream?

Don't know what to do after graduate? Don't know what to do after leaving high school? Don't know what to do after SPM? Don't know what course to choose? Fret? Stress? Depress? Lost? It's okay. I'm here to tell you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Well, at least you have me :( *sobsob* My future. I've always been wondering hows my future will be like.i was so lost after my SPM. I don't know which course should i pursue. I don't know whats my interest is. My future seems so....dark, cloudy, unknown...a question mark. I don't know what i want seriously. I wonder does all teenagers face the same situation as me? Or it's just me.

 I was a science student, i was in science stream during my high school, but that wasn't really my interest. I'm not gonna be a doctor, i'm not gonna be a pharmacist etc. I'm seriously not interested in it, and i don't think i'm even qualify to be one. My academic results are not bad but to be frank, over these years, i study is just for the sake of studying. Even if you scored excellent result in UPSR, PMR and SPM. So what? That doesn't determine your  future like at all. Study just for the sake of study. One word, pathetic. I do not have a clear path of my own future. I do not have an ambition. I do not know whats my own interest. I do not know what i want. I mean...yes, you know you own interest, but are you 100% sure that, that will be your future career for 10years 20years 30years? Even if it's low salary? Don't mind at all? Really? I doubt that. Probably few years after, when you start to know how important money is, you will start regretting your decision sighh. 

Dreaming to be superstar someday, or some sort of famous people, maybe becoming a celebrity or something (LOL silly i know xD but yea..). I can almost guarantee that most teenagers actually went through this 'daydreaming' period, including me myself of course LOL. But think again, is it even practical? Not everybody have the talent T-T Only like 1 out of 100 have the talent T-T Yeap, reality hurts. So for common, ordinary human like us, we just have to accept the hurting fact. Ouch. Wake up! Sighhh...There are so many factors to be considered. 

Stepping into the college is like the final stage before you start your boring working adult life. So this decision is soooo important. It's a INTEREST vs SALARY situation. Stressful decision. Damn envy those people with a clear goal and vision :( Sometimes, i really wish that i'm not that rational. I tend to overthink at times. Worried this, worried that. I mean, you know..its your future...once you start the first step into the college, with those thousands ringgits fees, you can hardly turn back..literally there is no turning back...unless of course, if you are rich. Everything is either like do something you interested but with low salary, or doing some you are not interested with high salary. If its you, which one do you prefer? An ultimate tough decision. Sigh. I know right. Who doesn't want to do something they love and at the same time receiving high salary every will be like..purrrrfect! Sigh.

Two years ago, i made a decision and chose interior design. Trust me, you've got no idea how much i've been through to make this decision. Countless days of stress and emo. After making this decision, is a total RELIEVEEEEEEE. Relieve, not because i made the right choice -.- Relieve as in i finally made a choice! Relieve as in, i'm finally free from those stressful and emo nights! Relieve as in, no more nagging from mum! * tears of joy :') * But not for long =.= Well, if you ask me today, did i make the right choice for choosing Interior Design? I....don't know :( I don't think so. Not for me? I don't know T-T

I will be graduating in one year time. Next semester marks the beginning of my final year. After that either i'll be starting my internship working life or maybe pursuing to a higher level - degree. Probably will be working i guess. Can you imagine that. That's it. That's my life. I'm gonna work till i age - die :'( (well, unless i met a rich guy and we get married and live a happy family ever after life LOL no idea what i'm talking hahaha ignore). Is that the life that i really want? Doing something i'm not keen till the rest of my life? Hopefully in this coming final year, i will slowly gain interest in this course i'm pursuing now, interior design. I doubt that :/ but just lets pray for miracle to happen. 

No i will not stop now. I can't stop now. As what i always comfort myself, i will finish what i've started. Its definitely a waste if i stop half way now. I cant afford to make that decision. I'm not saying that Interior Design course is not good..its just my personal problem. I don't think that i have the talent and i'm neither creative nor artistic. Feel so humble and discourage every time i do those assignment. Comparing my work and my friends, my confidence drop to zero. Below zero. I promise myself i will still try my best though in this remaining one year time. I will find back my self confidence.

Also, one year later from today, this very minute and this very second from this very moment. Next year, 23April2014. I give myself one year time. Inspired by many famous bloggers, i wanna be a successful blogger too! I promise myself, next year, same day, If i don't get the result i want, then it's fate. I will give up my nonsense interest and just follow the flow, follow whatever that it fated and start my interior designer working life i guess. 'Cuz sometimes fate and your dreams will collide. Well, at least i will have no regrets. At least i've try to fight for what i want. One year. Just one year time. I will prove myself. Fate vs Dream. I know I'm such a stubborn annoying girl. I will not give up if i don't try it myself. Sometimes i hate myself. Typical Aquarius.

"Doing what you like is FREEDOM
Liking what you do is HAPPINESS
- Frank Tyger

Goodnight, loves


1 comment:

  1. Omg!! I cant believe that today is 23rd april 2014!! Ur due date. So how? Ur fate wins or ur dream wins?☺️